McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
