My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize