I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
