Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
