Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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