Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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