Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
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hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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