I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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