Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
