Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
