hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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