the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
