my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
