Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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