I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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