they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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