Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
