I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
