just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I will die if light touches me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
