i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
