Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
