I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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