I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize