Porn is love you can see.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
