My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
