take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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