And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
