I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
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Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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