you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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