They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
