Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
