yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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