I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
