I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
