All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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