drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
