but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
