At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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