Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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