Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
