That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
