Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
