very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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