dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
