I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
