My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
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