And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
