Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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