i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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