i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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