I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why didn't you poke me back
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
