Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
