I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
