I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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