ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
