I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
