i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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