Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
