Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
