Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
