Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
