he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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