You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
