i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
