I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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