the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
