oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
