He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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